Dec 16 2009

December Drinking, Holiday Hangovers

Christmas is here and all of the drunken debauchery that comes with it.  Eggnog and brandy, Goldschlager, spiked punch and glogg – there are endless ways to get possessed by the holiday spirit, particularly when served on ice.

Ugly Sweater Party

It’s no secret that the consumption of alcohol escalates during the holiday season.

Fact (yes, Caveday has actual information): The $49 billion distilled spirits industry makes more than 25% of its profits from Thanksgiving to the New Year. (Distilled Spirits Council of the United States)

This is partly due to the anticipatory air that pervades the countdown to the New Year.  The neighborhood is lit with festive lights and malls are decked in a full-force holiday blitzkrieg.  Companies throw office parties.  Friends throw ugly sweater parties.  Old friends return to town and families glutton over glorious feasts.  On top of it all, there is NO WORK, unless you’re employed by a douche company, which you should quit anyways. Continue reading


Nov 23 2009

Post Alcohol Blues (PABs)

acronym: PABs  • noun : The feelings of uselessness, embarrassment, and general depression that accompany a hangover.  Typically linked to blackout drinking.

molecular study of pabs

The topic of Post Alcohol Blues (PABs) has come up frequently in previous articles.  While vomiting, headaches, and lethargy are the prime physical characteristics of a hangover, PABs constitute the hellish mental and emotional symptoms.  Typical thoughts during PABs include: “Why does everyone hate me?”, “I’m never drinking again.”, and “What is the point of it all anyways?”  The emotional holocaust created by PABs can get to be quite ridiculous.  You may find yourself embarrassed to answer phone calls from your friends, unable to make eye contact, or crying over your cat that died in elementary school.

Continue reading


Oct 20 2009

How to Not be a D-bag on Halloween

Hello, readers.  In preparation for the most intoxicating, debaucherous, and hangover-inducing holiday of the year, we thought we should write a Halloween costume guide.  Note: this is a little off topic as most of our articles cover hangovers or drinking itself.  Except for the costumes and the turnout, Halloween isn’t unlike any other day of the year.  Now, onto the guide…

Dudes

Be creative and funny.  This is one of the many rare chances we have to show our creative sides.  Be right-brained for once.  You don’t have to spend a lot of money. In fact, sometimes cheaper is better. Not to toot my own horn, but here’s what I put together last year after I found out that I couldn’t find a Dark Helmet costume for under $200.

Boner Ghost

boner ghost

We’re not going to go into examples of amusing costume ideas.  That would take all the fun away, wouldn’t it?  However, we will tell you what not to do.

Continue reading


Oct 1 2009

Hungover at Work

concentration sleep

The story is always the same: a friend calls you up on a weekday, “Let’s go grab a beer and watch the game.”  Ten beers later and probably a few drunk-dials, you collapse into bed dreading the fate that you’ve sealed for yourself tomorrow at work.

You finally wake up to the alarm that you’ve snoozed 14 times.  Then panic sets in.  “Holy shit balls, I’m late for work!”   The first instinct is to call in sick.  It’s not a lie, you’re probably worse than sick.  Don’t feel discouraged about wasting a sick day on a hangover.  Everyone does it…

Continue reading


Sep 17 2009

Blackout Investigation

It’s morning.  The good news: you’re in your own bed.  The bad news: you’re wearing the same outfit you wore last night, including the shoes.  Your bedroom is trashed.  It looks like a hurricane and the Tasmanian devil just had sex in your room.  But worst of all, you can’t remember a thing.

You mentally scramble trying to piece together the images of the previous night.  It’s hard because your head is throbbing.  Zeus himself would fear this hangover.  Slowly the images start to materialize.  You remember karaoke.  You remember body shots.  You remember vandalizing a tree.  Next to your pillow you find your phone.  “OMG, was I drunk dialing last night?”  Check the call log.  The last call was at 4:35 am.  Shit.    Fear and regret starts to set in.  “What the hell did I do last night?   Why do I feel like everyone hates me?   That’s because everyone does hate me!  Whose friggin keys are in my pocket?”  These questions and self-criticisms will often lead to Post Alcohol Blues (P.A.B.s) and are likely to increase hangover symptoms three fold, so beware. Continue reading


Aug 24 2009

Food for Drunks

What do you like to eat when you’re drunk? We’re talking about food you like to eat when you’re actually drunk, not the next day when you’re hungover. That’s an entirely different subject altogether. We at Caveday conducted an extensive online survey asking this question. We asked people on Facebook, so you know this survey is legit. Here’s what we found…

The formula is simple. Salt + Fat + Heat = Food. Violate any of the variables of this equation and it simply isn’t edible. When asked specifically what kind of food people eat while intoxicated, mostly everyone opted for Mexican and the rest chose Taco Bell.

Burritos or nothing! Continue reading


Jun 11 2009

Caveday

caveday • / kāv-dā / sound icon • noun
: A day of which activity is minimized due to the effects of a colossal hangover.

Everybody is familiar with Cavedays.  You’re hungover.  You hate yourself and your one-and-only plan for the day is to do everything in your power just to stay alive.  Namely: nothing.  It’s time that you blow off all your friends and the drunken promises you made to each other the night before (e.g.: “Dude, I’m DEFINITELY down to meet up and go deep sea fishing tomorrow!”).  In actuality you’re not down, the name of the game has become survival.

The origin of Caveday dates back to the dawn of mankind.  Our ancestors lived in caves to protect themselves from harsh environmental conditions and the threat of predators.  Let’s apply this to a modern day scenario.  Modern man faces a greater foe… the hangover.  To someone with a hangover, the ice age holds no weight against the elemental nightmare known as sunlight.  The velociraptor is no longer a predator.  The real threat comes from, simply, people who don’t have hangovers.  Productive people such as girlfriends, boyfriends, family and friends threaten us with productive activity such as “getting fresh air” and “walking.”  To survive, we must resort back to the instincts of our ancestors and create our cave.  Your cave is most likely a living room or a bedroom and the only other acceptable inhabitants are the members of the tribe: the group of misfits that were there slamming those jagerbombs with you the night before.  Many have perished in their drunken stupor, but some remain safe by your side.

A true Caveday has the following characteristics:

  1. Darkness – Shut all the blinds in your house, or better yet, put blankets over all your windows.  Sunlight increases the effects of a hangover.  Sort of like photosynthesis.  See figure 1a below. sunlight graph Continue reading