Day Drinking Survival Guide
Penny Harcourt, Taos – Well, if the daffodils in my yard can be trusted, summer is finally on the way! Summer, the season of baseball, backyard barbecues, beach days; and of course, hand-in-hand with all these events, day drinking. This is not to imply that your friendly experts at Caveday don’t day drink in other seasons, but seriously, nothing goes better with a hot summer’s day than a case of beer or a frozen margarita.
Day drinking is an essential part of summer, but as any accomplished day drinker knows, it’s not without its perils. So today we bring you Caveday’s Official Day Drinking Survival Guide, giving you plenty of time to memorize our good advice before June rolls around. As I crack my 2pm beer, allow me to give you a brief list of rules that will serve you well in your day-drinking careers.
Rule #1: It’s Never Too Early For Day-drinking
One of my least favorite phrases is “It’s five o’clock somewhere!” I don’t give a damn what time it is, especially if I’m in one of those glorious cities with a Bottomless Bloody Mary venue. Of course, not everyone agrees with this rule, so I would exercise caution applying it in states like, for example, Utah. Also, a word of warning: I understand the 3-martini “working lunch” is back in vogue, thanks to Madmen. This is really only a good idea if you work in a job where you have no actual responsibility or a cool/drunken boss (mobsters, waiters, and lawyers, I’m looking at you).
Rule #2: Always Bring Sunscreen
This rule needs no real elaboration for anyone who’s ever woken up with a hangover AND a sunburn, particularly if you were wearing your new tank top with the unmistakably weird strap lines that are now irreparably burned into your skin. There are no words for that kind of pain and embarrassment.
Rule #3: Plan Your Day Around Your Evening
Surely you’re familiar with the old adage “Beer before liquor, never been sicker”? When embarking on a day-drinking adventure, it’s always wise to pause for a second and try to remember if you have a business meeting, fancy dinner party, or family volleyball tournament coming up after dinnertime. If the answer is “yes,” well, by all means, don’t let that deter your day drinking plans – however, you should plan your drinking accordingly. If you know you’ll be drinking champagne all night long to celebrate the company’s big new contract, it’s probably not a good idea to put all that bubbly away on top of a nice layer of rum and cokes, and beers, and whiskey. I know that 60-ounce happy-hour margarita seems like a great deal, but really – just stick to one flavor, champ.
However, if you suddenly realize that you’ve been raiding your fridge for a variety of old PBRs, store-brand gin and your sister’s wine coolers for six hours, and you have to show up at a public function shortly after dinner, it’s time to apply:
Rule #4: The Disco Nap is a Sorely Underused Tactic
This is one of my favorite day drinking secrets. Come 5pm, just have a nice greasy snack, add a few glasses of water, Gatorade, or coconut juice (whatever your hydration beverage of choice happens to be), and pass out for an hour. When you wake up you’ll be, if not completely sober, at least refreshed enough to fake it – and, good news! 6:00pm is a socially-respectable time to start hitting the sauce (again). Important Note: this rule only works if applied in the proximity of a functioning alarm clock. And remember, “am” and “pm” are very much not the same thing.
Rule #5: As All Spelunkers Know, It’s Always Easier to Get In Than It Is To Get Out
What’s the best part about day drinking? You have all day to get yourself into some ca-razy shenanigans. This, of course, is also the worst part about day drinking. Adventures such as hiking, climbing (yeah, I saw 127 Hours), cabrewing, grocery shopping, kickball, and dating. My advice? Always have a wingman, buddy, or partner-in-crime. Two day drinkers are better than one – and it’s always nice to have another drinker to blame if you have to make a speedy escape. “Oh, shucks, it looks like I really need to get Tony home before he does something he regrets! …Again!”
So here’s to summer, my friends, and to the many hours of day-drinking to come. Just don’t forget to pack the sunscreen.