Being experts at the art of the hangover, Caveday has put together a top 10 list of the worst possible things to do when hungover.  These activities of awfulness are ranked on a few choice criteria for their contributions to annoyance and pain: loud noises, the presence of people, and physical torment.  If you’ve ever had to experience any of these hells, we feel for you wholeheartedly.  Yet some sick and curious aspect of our nature wants to hear the story, so be sure to post a comment and share.

Love always,
Caveday

10. Church

9. Meeting the Parents

8. Interviewing for a Job

7. Teaching Preschool

 6. The Dentist

5. Power Squats

4. Operating a Jackhammer

3. Riding a Rollercoaster

2. Rodeo

1. Skrillex Concert

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Matt Elmore, Bangkok – Currently, I’m waiting at a train station, probably still drunk from the last few weeks of complete party mayhem.  Although it might not show, I think I’ve finally cracked the code on how to properly rage and survive in this warzone of a country, Thailand.  This is the third time I’ve been here and by golly, I’ve earned my blackbelt.  For those who’ve travelled to Thailand, I think you’ll agree with these survival tips wholeheartedly.  For those planning to go, consider this article to be your new bible.

Party Survival Tips

• Don’t Hook-up with a Ladyboy – If you see a hot, tall Thai, first assume its a lady boy. They’re tricky little buggers. Upon closer inspection, look for an adam’s apple (sometimes surgically removed), hands like Shaq, or a penis.

• Drink the Right Drinks – The cheap booze is cheap for a reason.  If you’ve a beer drinker, avoid ‘Chang.’  I shit you not, you can open a bottle of Chang, turn it upside down in a glass of water, and a black sludge will pour into the glass.  If you’re a boozer, don’t get the white-labeled Thai whiskey that they sell for dirt cheap at 7-11.  It’s a guaranteed brain-ripping hangover maker.  Get Samsong or Hong Thong instead.

• Don’t get Roofied – It’s never happened to me, but everyone knows someone whose been roofied in Thailand.  Order your own drinks at the bar and pour your own drinks at home.  Hollywood has glorified roofies as a fun, bonding experience (ala The Hangover).  Don’t believe the hype.

• The Full Moon Party – Koh Phagnan’s party of all parties.  12 stages of various oontz-oontz electronic beats.  Drinks are served by the bucket.  Seriously.  Plan to rage harder than Long Duck Dong in “Sixteen Candles”  until sunrise. Do not try to bring your own drugs there unless they’re up your bum.  There’s checkpoints on every route into the party.

• Avoid Fighting – At all costs, don’t get into a scrapper, especially with Thais.  If you get into a fight, I’m already assuming you’re a major d-bag, as Thai’s are the friendliest people on the planet.  But if you do, I hope you have experience fighting 10 vs 1, Chuck Norris.

• The Best Drunk Food – Hands down, the street food is the tastiest and the cheapest: bbq meats, steamy soups, noodles, kabobs, fried crickets… Hey, don’t knock it till you try it.

Hangover Recovery Tips

• Thai Massage – They’re so cheap ($4-6) that I’ll end up getting a massage whenever I don’t feel absolutely perfect.  If you’re super hungover, upgrade for $4 to get a herbal soak.  They use herb filled sacks to hydrate you through the skin and remove toxins.  Happy endings?  You’re free to choose your own adventure on that one.

• Drink Tons of Water – Bottled water from 7-11, not from the tap.  Let’s just say that Montezuma is vengeful in Thailand too.

• Have a Caveday – Get a room with a TV and AC and crank that shit up.  These room features are typically only about $3-5 to upgrade from a standard room, so might as well.  Especially if you’re gonna be hurtin’ the next day.

• Take a Valium – About $1 from the pharmacy, and no prescription needed.  Also a good anti-PABs fix.

• Smoke Weed – Do this at your own risk.  Drug possession and usage in Thailand is serious shit with the fuzz.  I’ve only blazed when its currently already being smoked and offered to me.  Once, I got the nuts to try to buy a bag in Phuket and it turned out to be a really nice strain of… green tea.  Go figure.

• Energy Drinks – Redbull was invented in Thailand, where it’s super potent and cheap too ($0.30).  There’s also a drink called “Hang” which is supposed to cure hangover, but mine laughed at it.

• The Best Hangover Food – For me… I love rice porridge with green onions, cilantro, chicken and a lil bit of soy sauce.  Yum.  Almost every restaurant serves an “American breakfast,” which is nice if you’re in a Denny’s kind of mood.

• Donate to a Monk – The monks walk around the streets collecting alms at about 7am, so you’ll see them on the way back from the bar/club.  Improve your karma and hopefully the hangover gods will have mercy on your soul.

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Caitlin Reid, San Diego – Ah, holidays. Whether you love them or hate them, holidays are notorious for binge drinking. Sometimes as a joyous celebration of the togetherness of family and friends, other times as necessary escape from the togetherness of family and friends, the presence of booze at any holiday gathering is welcome. Thankfully, it’s almost always socially acceptable to get your drink on at a holiday party or dinner, and there is an array of specialty drinks that only appear on the shelves once a year that you’ll kick yourself for missing out on a few months down the road if you don’t partake  (mmm…eggnog…).  At Caveday, we enjoy a good stiff drink on just about any holiday.  But in our opinion, there are a few select days of the year that always seem to make the masses a little thirstier than others. So without further ado, here‘s our picks for the top 5 best drinking holidays.
#5: Fourth of July

Independence Day! A wonderful day to be an American! Smack dab inp the middle of summer, the Fourth of July is a perfect time to get a little silly. With hamburgers and hot dogs a plenty to soak up all the alcohol, why not go nuts. As you drink more, the sun will get higher in the sky, you’ll get warmer, you’ll lose a few items of clothing, then you’ll drink more…what could be better?! With festivities often starting early in the day, this holiday provides ample time to get proper sloshed, and with someone else in charge of the big (and quite dangerous) fireworks show, you’re free to extend your day drinking well into the sparkly night. Good luck with the hangover; chances are the sunburn and red, white & blue dye in all the sweets you’ve eaten will make things pretty brutal the next day. But as with all holidays, the Fourth only comes once a year, and if you’re lucky, it’ll fall on a Friday, providing you with ample Caveday time. God Bless the USA!

#4: Valentine’s Day

This may not seem like an obvious choice, but if you’ve ever been single on February 14th, and we all have, you know that the love of your life comes in the form of something cold, strong, and plentiful. Valentine’s Day is either the best or worst day of the year, depending on your Facebook relationship status. There are just as many “Anti-Love Parties” as there are special couples’ menus out there on Cupid’s official day, so whether you’re celebrating with your sweetie or cursing all things pink and adorned with hearts, enjoy your buzz with gusto. WARNING: The hangover after a singles’ Valentine’s day can be among the worst. Ever. Combining PABs with a heightening sense of feeling alone can have catastrophic side effects. Be sure to plan to not be alone on the 15th. Hang out with your BFF’s and throw in a good hangover movie. Hey, look on the bright side: once the nausea subsides, all heart shaped candy will be on sale!

#3: Halloween

One of the most fun holidays out there, Halloween night is a perfect time to get wasted. Either you’ve put a lot of work into your costume or you’ve dug out that same lame getup you’ve worn for years; whatever you’re dressed as, you’re looking more ridiculous than usual, and so is everybody else. You know what that means: SHOTS! It’s the one night of the year where no one cares about looking anything but nuts, whether you go cute-sey, slutty, scary or nastified. There are parties everywhere and the bars are hoppin’, slinging ghoulish cocktails and enough sugar to enhance your lasting power into the wee hours of the night. Be sure to prepare accordingly by eating something starchy beforehand and packing the make-up remover to avoid major post-zombie-face breakouts. It’s gonna be a wild night!

#2: New Years Eve

Bet you expected this to be #1, no question, right? WRONG. In fact, if it were up to us, we’d leave NYE off this list all together for the reason that it’s the Amateur Night to top all Amateur Night. Everyone is expected to get hammered on New Years. And most people do. There are parties and events and epic lines at restaurants and bars. Everything is over-priced, right down the cab that’ll be impossible to hail to bring you safely home. NYE is waaaaaaaaay over hyped. Sure, we’ve all had a great time here or there saying goodbye to the year that’s passed and hello to the year to come, but in reality, it’s the most cliche you can get when it comes to drinking holidays. All of that ranting aside, cliches are cliches for a reason. And we at Caveday aren’t going to say that we don’t enjoy some bubbly on the 31st just like anyone else, it’s just hard to rank it atop this list when there are so many other clutch holidays on which to embrace your drunkness. So maybe this year, try something different. Eat in or party a few days into the new year instead. You’ll feel like an individual and you’ll save a few bucks in doing so.

#1: St. Patrick’s Day

GREEN BEER! GREEN BEER! OK. So not every one’s Irish. But on March 17th, anyone and everyone IS Irish! This is the perfect drinking holiday for many reasons. First, it falls in the middle of March, like a lonely drunk ice burg floating idly between Christmas and Memorial Day. By the time St. Paddy’s comes around, we’re all itching for a good hurrah. Second, the Irish practically defined the word “drunk”. These red-headed fools know whats up when it comes to the sauce. With so many delicious Irish beverage choices, you can go nuts with a few shots of Jameson, down 6 or 7 Guinness, and follow it all up with some Bailey’s in your coffee to end the evening. Lastly, the enthusiasm that comes along with this day is unparalleled. Everyone is just so damn excited to drink on this day! So find a good Irish bar, parade, or bagpipe fest and go green from head to toe. Stock up on some Lucky Charms for your impending Caveday breakfast. Yum!

In conclusion, for we drinkers, holidays are a blessing. No matter what you’re up to or what holiday it is, it is more than acceptable (in fact, it’s expected) to get plastered. Let us know what you think; if there’s a holiday that you’d rank as more wasted-worthy than the ones we’ve listed here, leave a comment and let us know your St. Drunksmasgiving Day ritual.

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Penny Harcourt, Taos

Day drinking is an essential part of summer, but as any accomplished day drinker knows, it’s not without its perils. So today we bring you Caveday’s Official Day Drinking Survival Guide, giving you plenty of time to memorize our good advice before June rolls around. As I crack my 2pm beer, allow me to give you a brief list of rules that will serve you well in your day-drinking careers.

Rule #1: It’s Never Too Early For Day-drinking

One of my least favorite phrases is “It’s five o’clock somewhere!” I don’t give a damn what time it is, especially if I’m in one of those glorious cities with a Bottomless Bloody Mary venue. Of course, not everyone agrees with this rule, so I would exercise caution applying it in states like, for example, Utah. Also, a word of warning: I understand the 3-martini “working lunch” is back in vogue, thanks to Madmen. This is really only a good idea if you work in a job where you have no actual responsibility or a cool/drunken boss (mobsters, waiters, and lawyers, I’m looking at you).

Rule #2: Always Bring Sunscreen

This rule needs no real elaboration for anyone who’s ever woken up with a hangover AND a sunburn, particularly if you were wearing your new tank top with the unmistakably weird strap lines that are now irreparably burned into your skin. There are no words for that kind of pain and embarrassment.

Rule #3: Plan Your Day Around Your Evening

Surely you’re familiar with the old adage “Beer before liquor, never been sicker”? When embarking on a day-drinking adventure, it’s always wise to pause for a second and try to remember if you have a business meeting, fancy dinner party, or family volleyball tournament coming up after dinnertime. If the answer is “yes,” well, by all means, don’t let that deter your day drinking plans – however, you should plan your drinking accordingly. If you know you’ll be drinking champagne all night long to celebrate the company’s big new contract, it’s probably not a good idea to put all that bubbly away on top of a nice layer of rum and cokes, and beers, and whiskey. I know that 60-ounce happy-hour margarita seems like a great deal, but really – just stick to one flavor, champ.

However, if you suddenly realize that you’ve been raiding your fridge for a variety of old PBRs, store-brand gin and your sister’s wine coolers for six hours, and you have to show up at a public function shortly after dinner, it’s time to apply:

Rule #4: The Disco Nap is a Sorely Underused Tactic

This is one of my favorite day drinking secrets. Come 5pm, just have a nice greasy snack, add a few glasses of water, gatorade, or coconut juice (whatever your hydration beverage of choice happens to be), and pass out for an hour. When you wake up you’ll be, if not completely sober, at least refreshed enough to fake it – and, good news! 6:00pm is a socially-respectable time to start hitting the sauce (again). Important Note: this rule only works if applied in the proximity of a functioning alarm clock. And remember, “am” and “pm” are very much not the same thing.

And, finally:

Rule #5: As All Spelunkers Know, It’s Always Easier to Get In Than It Is To Get Out

What’s the best part about day drinking? You have all day to get yourself into some ca-razy shenanigans. This, of course, is also the worst part about day drinking. Adventures such as hiking, climbing (yeah, I saw 127 Hours), cabrewing, grocery shopping, kickball, and dating. My advice? Always have a wingman, buddy, or partner-in-crime. Two day drinkers are better than one – and it’s always nice to have another drinker to blame if you have to make a speedy escape. “Oh, shucks, it looks like I really need to get Tony home before he does something he regrets! …Again!”

So here’s to summer, my friends, and to the many hours of day-drinking to come. Just don’t forget to pack the sunscreen.

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Caitlin Reid, Los Angeles – After a night of hardcore partying there are few words more ominous, more heartbreaking, more dreaded than “Walk of Shame”. The glory of a passionate connection followed by a cuddly sleepover is almost always masked by this parade of embarrassment. You wake up in the morning and the panicked search for your underwear and dead cell phone begins, mascara burning your eyes, head pounding, nausea building; all of your normal hangover symptoms, however crippling they may be, take a backseat to the fact that you must gather what little pride you have left and march yourself home wearing the remnants of last night’s saucy outfit. Take a deep breath. Go to your happy place. Put one foot in front of the next and hold your head high, girl: this is your walk of shame.

Yes, I’m talking to you, ladies. And before you raise your manicured fists in feminist objection, lets talk this out for a minute. It is virtually impossible for a man to fall victim to the walk of shame. Think about it. Our society has pretty much painted an invisible crown on a man walking home on Sunday morning with bed head and George Clooney stubble. This man has scored, he got lucky, he’s beaming as he strolls into Dunkin’ Donuts to retrieve that coveted hangover breakfast sandwich. Pat that man on the back! Ladies on the other hand, are scrutinized and judged all the way home. We’re meant to be just that: “ladies”, who don’t wear pinching heels and an oversized hoodie as little black dress accessories on a Sunday morning stroll. This uniform equals one thing in the eyes of the masses: SLUT. So prove me wrong if you will, but this article is a battle cry to the party-going women of the world, from a party-going woman of the world. The Walk of Shame fucking sucks. That being said, let’s talk about ways to soften the blow of this sometimes inevitable happening.

First of all, come prepared. You don’t have to roll in an oversized suitcase with the 30-rack you brought to the party, but a discrete bag packed with the essentials can make all the difference in the morning. Opt for a larger sized purse if you even THINK you might be getting jiggy with it. It might mean sacrificing a little fashion know how, but having the opportunity to brush your teeth and throw on jeans and sneakers will be immeasurably worth it. Mom always said: be prepared. Mom really means, “It’s OK Honey, we’ve all been there. Don’t forget your face wash”.

If at all possible, have a BFF on call to save the day. A quick call or text mid-party to a girlfriend with some wheels and a big heart could save you from the awful trek through the living room full of dudes playing Madden (dudes who can’t WAIT to give you piles and piles of shit). Call a sister up and have her pick your sorry ass up. Sneak out the back door and leave your troubles twisted in the sheets. Treat her to brunch on the way home and allow her to rag on you for the entire meal. This can be a great way to soften the impending blow that PABS will cause to your ego. Nothing soothes the blues like a spill-session over a greasy spoon brekkie with a good girlfriend.

If it comes down to it and you are left to your own devices without support, the best way to handle a Walk of Shame is to hold your pretty little head high and get it over with as fast as possible. Sure, the gardeners’ creepy smile may haunt your dreams for a night or two. Sure, you may not be able to make eye contact with those little kids out for a family bike ride. But in the end, you are just as awesome as that dude ahead of you in the coffee line. That shower will come, and in a matter of hours you’ll be cozy in your bed, solo, watching your favorite hangover movie, shedding shameful memories one piece of delicious hangover pizza at a time. Anyone who judges you en route is only judging themselves, remembering their own Walks of Shame and feeling grateful that you’re carrying the torch today instead of them. When next weekend’s festivities begin, you’ll be looking as hot as ever, rocking the oversized purse, feeling just a little bit wiser thanks to your stroll down the Walk of Shame.

To all that have walked The Walk: send in your tales of woe! We’d love to hear your Shameful Stories. As good as the best story we’ve heard is, there’s always better out there. If you left your pantyhose behind or spent 20 minutes hailing a cab in a residential area, post your story as a comment on this article. The best three stories will be featured exclusively on Caveday.

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Medina Maitreya, San Francisco – Ah, the holidays are upon us yet again; Time for jolly over-eating, jollier over-drinking, and usually a lot of over-spending. And if you’re like most people you can also expect family squabbles, possible DUI’s, and of course… hangovers.

Let’s start our discussion with the family dynamic.  Psychologists say we all have expectations of family love during the holidays. We want the occasions to be “perfect” and usually go through a great deal of trouble trying to make it so.  In fact, we count on the holidays to make up for the rest of the year.  I mean, my family maintains its “harmony” by keeping a safe and comfortable distance from one another during the rest of the year… and somehow we’re all just fine with that.

Thanksgiving, aka “The Slowest Afternoon of the Year”, is not necessarily the hangover type of holiday.  Instead of a pounding headache with nausea and vertigo, you get to enjoy a different kind of self induced trauma; the Food Coma of the Gods.  By the end of the meal you are fighting for your life to maintain an upright position, your eyelids are getting heavy, and your huge belly is about to pop off the top button on your pants.  It’s hard not to over-indulge on turkey day though, with all that delicious home cooking and the American stamp of approval to go ahead and pig out, in the name of our forefathers of course.

But you’re not out of the woods just yet, because while Thanksgiving is over in a single afternoon, Christmas, on the other hand, is right around the corner, and can last for several days.
Christmas is generally observed on December 25 to commemorate the birth of Jesus… though this date is not actually his birthday. Some people believe the date was chosen to coincide with the pagan festival of Winter Solstice, or one of the many ancient pagan winter ragers. Either way, to most Americans, Christmas involves gift giving, a mythological fat man dressed in red, family gatherings, and heightened economic activity.

So when the Yule tide spirit is gnawing at your frontal lobe and Aunt Edna demands you try her ambrosia salad, just remember, you’re not alone. Here are 5 good reasons to reach for the bottle. Happy Holidays.

1.      Turducken aka “America, are you serious????”

This bizarre (and conceptually uncomfortable) method of stuffing birds into birds then roasting them is enough to make me chug a gallon of Eggnog and Brandy just to numb myself to whatever else I might come across at an extended family holiday meal.

2.      Compared to the rest of the world, Americans don’t drink that much.

Moderate drinking in the United States is considered to be about 2 drinks for men and one for ladies, and in most other countries they define moderation at much higher levels. For example, Australia, Italy and France consider 3 to 4 drinks per day for men to be average.

According to a study taken in 2000, the per capita consumption of alcohol in the U..S is at 32nd on the list. Portugal is the winner, with Luxembourg, France, Hungary, Spain, Czech Republic, Denmark, Germany, Austria and Switzerland rounding out the top-ten booze happy nations.

3.      Moderate Champagne Drinking May Help your Brain

According some scientific magazine that I can’t remember the name of right now, sparkling wine may help protect the brain against strokes, Alzheimer’s, and Parkinson’s diseases.  Apparently the antioxidants found in Champagne give it the ability to protect against neurotoxicity, and in some cases restore brain cell function in the test subjects, which I suspect were most likely very drunken mice.

4. Jägermeister Helps your Digestion

Introduced in Germany in 1935, Jägermeister was originally brewed for medicinal purposes, said to cure everything from a chronic cough to digestive problems. But then again, Silly Putty was originally made to be a plastic explosive…

Even so, this day in many European countries, Jägermeister is still widely recognized as a digestif, is kept in many households, and is often referred to as Leberkleister, which literally means “liver glue”.

5. Beer is Good for You

Beer contains vitamin B6, which prevents the buildup of a chemical called homocysteine in the body- thought to be linked to an increase in the risk of heart disease.
In your face, red wine enthusiasts!

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Our drunken guide on this adventure was Old Monk.  Not literally an aged Hindu sage with a penchant for partying, Old Monk is Indian rum.  Like the chaotic yet harmonious flow of traffic on the streets of Bombay, Old Monk runs through your system either like a peaceful Om or a vengeful Montezuma.  Unfortunately I experienced more of the latter.  To Indians, the Monk is a nostalgic liquor kept alive since high school days.  Similar to how we view Southern Comfort (So-Co).  The buzz is hefty, yet invigorating.  It provides a perfect balance of liquid courage and wastedness; enough for me to attempt Bollywood dancing.

If there’s one thing to be said about Indian party culture, they certainly know how to survive a mean hangover with a well executed Caveday.  Come 12 o’clock, my three wishes to the genie were to stay inside, pull the shades, and to be resurrected in human form.  When the heat and humidity outside are so intense that they make you pray to Shiva for mercy, you really begin to appreciate AC.

In India, labor is cheap and services are merely a phone call away.  I shit you not, you can order McDonald’s.  They deliver.  If a restaurant doesn’t deliver for some odd reason, you can pay someone to pick it up.  Or lets say you can’t physically manage to place the phone call to order food, then have the maid do it.  Because of the abundance of services, Caveday awards India top honors for its Hangover-Handicapped Awareness efforts.

Apparently, I had accumulated enough good karma to be blessed with the most delicious of hangover foods, mutton kebab’s.  These bad boys are made with lamb minced 11 times over and kebab’d into mouth watering deliciousness.  Add some rice, curry, and yogurt and you’re set.  Like clockwork, food coma ensues in T-minus 15 minutes so fasten your seat belt for a proper Indian Caveday.

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Medina Maitreya, San Francisco

The Black Rock Desert is a thoroughly flat, huge prehistoric lake bed, composed of a hard pan alkali, ringed by majestic mountains. Daytime temperatures routinely exceed 100 degrees with nighttime dropping to 40 and lower. Also the humidity is extremely low, which rapidly and continually wicks the moisture from your body. Because the atmosphere is so dry, you may not feel particularly warm, but you’ll be steadily drying up. At nearly 4,000 feet above sea level, the atmosphere provides much less filtering of the sunlight which causes sunburn. As a result, you will burn much faster and more severely than at lower elevations.

If you are already cringing at these facts imagine being supremely hungover on top of all that. Oh and lets not forget the most exciting part of the whole event: rogue sand storms, called white outs, that are so intense they rival the ten plagues of Egypt.

As with any event that focuses on radical self expression, there are as many ways to get hungover as there are naked people hula hooping on a pink double-decker bus. So lets just focus on these two.

Scenario A: The Jolly Daytime Drinker

If you are gonna get a hangover this is without a doubt the best possible way to go. You wake up at 10 am, having slept a hearty 3 hours and immediately reach for a breakfast beer, swig of warm sake, or the leftover Jim Beam that some douchebag left at your camp. Slippery slope time sets in as the temperatures get higher and you need to get drunker to deal with how uncomfortable it really is. Next thing you know youre changing into jogging shorts and a bow tie and doing jazzersize with a hundred people at the “80′s workout camp”. And it doesnt stop there, maybe you find the ice cold pickles and cocktails camp and chug down 2 dirty martinis like its the most delicious thing you’ve ever tasted.

In a word, screwed. By the time the sun is setting you have little mice wielding hammers in your head, your tongue is stuck to the roof of your mouth and you’re puking blood under someones RV. This is also the time when mystery injuries occur, leaving wounds and bruises for you to figure out about later… or not.

But all is not lost, the temperature is dropping, you can stumble into your filthy tent and snuggle up your sunburned body to a scratchy sleeping bag and pass the fuck out. And you’re in luck cause at this point you can get at least 5 hours of freezing cold sleep before the 100 degree heat and bright ass sun cooks you like a roast turkey in your plastic bubble aka nylon tent. And out there, 5 hours of solid sleep is worth more than gold.

Scenario B: The All Night Rager

Ok so you and your friends went on an art cruise that afternoon, riding your bikes thru the desert checking out all the amazingness that Burning Man has to offer. You bring a strong cocktail in a big canteen to tide you over, which by the way are called “Road Sodas”, and by the time the sun sets you are drunk, sweaty, dehydrated and ready for more.

Here is where you need to rest and recoup before attempting the All Night Rager. But you dont. You dont drink that gallon of water or eat anything of nutritional value.  Instead you stuff half a bag of beef jerky in your mouth, make another cocktail or just bring the bottle and head out to party your ass off some more.

You hit every attraction on the esplanade, ride away on a huge elephant art car, stumble back to the neon lighted strip and spend an hour looking for your bike, end up pole dancing at Spikes Vampire Bar, find some friends and head out across the Playa to some obscure camp to hear some DJ you love, head BACK towards your camp to re-up the booze and energize your tired, crusty, body in whatever way you see fit, grab your coat cause its 40 degrees out now and head out to open desert with a gaggle of other wasted people all on bicycles.

The sun comes up, you need sleep, food, water, and some compassion. All you’re gonna get is a face full of 100 degree heat, and all i can say is…. god be with you.

Remedies

1. Hydrate - Drink water… lots and lots of water. I mean it. Chug that hot plastic gallon youre using to hold down your shade structure. Dehydration is one of the main causes of hangovers, and a headache is usually the first sign that you are dehydrated; that and the fact that your skin looks like the dusty ground you’re camping on, and your eyelids are stuck open.




2. Medicine - Naproxen sodium. Yep… good old Aleve. This shit is your best friend, and I mean your REAL best friend…. not that giraffe in the tutu who explained the meaning of it all last night. Dont believe him. Hes a liar, and prolly up to no good.




3. Sleep it off – This is pretty much the best thing for your situation. Essentially, you’re hiding from the world and from your hangover. Pretty sweet if you can pull it off. But it’s easier said than done at Burning Man. From dawn to 8 am its moderately chilly, then it hits you like brick wall, BAM! 100 degrees and full sun with no where to hide. Add a hangover to this and you’ve got Medina’s worst nightmare…. cause I’ve done it.. many, many, ouchy times.




4. Eat Something -Even though pizza sounds like the right choice, it’s not, especially at Burning Man. I mean, I guess if you can find pizza out there go for it. But if its a mushroom pizza, you might want to inquire with the chef so your hangover doesn’t turn into a magic carpet ride.

   Breakfast foods like eggs and milk contain cysteine, which can help to purge the body of toxins, shortening the duration of a hangover… but you’re miles from civilization, with nothing but dirt, antelope, scrub brush and 60,000 weirdos between you and a home cooked breakfast. So yah, you’re pretty much screwed.




5. Cry Wolf - If you are a bad person and feel comfortable taking advantage of the resources provided to you by Burning Man, head to the medic tent and tell them you have heat stroke, have been puking for hours and cant keep anything down. They will give you an IV fluid bag and an anti-nausea medication as you lay on a cot with a cool towel on your head. Tho beware, the Burning Man medic tent is like being at Circus Circus in the 70′s, but everyone has some horrible injury like broken bones or head wounds and/or is high on acid.




6. Hair of the Dog -This is a no brainer, and everyone does it, you’re at Burning Man for christs’ sake, why would anyone take it easy and moderate their funtime? Just be sure to follow steps 1 thru 4 as well.

So best of luck to you, my fellow booze hounds, heed my advice and be careful out there. This is Medina, signing off.  See you on the playa.

Caveday Author: Medina Maitreya
The Old Trombone

(Note: Caveday does not condone ball-shots. Even at Burning Man.)

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The gelcaps are packaged in a little bottle that comes in a little satchel with a little tag for instructions – very Alice in Wonderland but they go down smooth and feel all natural while they’re doing it. There’s kind of an herb-alicious multi grain scent to them, and the ingredients list reads like the salad section at Applebees. Below it, “embrace the oxymoron: become a healthier drinker.” Hmm.

Setting it up:

Reviewer got “fluxxed” at San Diego’s newest hottest-of-the-spots in the city’s gaslamp district. The Fluxx super club does it all: winds you up, breaks you down, makes you sweat, takes your money, and spits you out onto the sidewalk at 2am empty-handed and half deaf. You get used and abused and have an amazing time doing it, it’s the bad relationship you keep going back to on Fridays.. and Saturdays.. and sometimes on Thursdays.

And knocking it down:

Last memories before blackout period include: shooting gold tequila with several club promoters, gawking directly below as gogo dancers go conceptual and gravity-defying, making it behind the DJ booth as big fancy techno DJ #1 rocks out to his mix of big fancy techno DJ #2, having an epiphany about the sheer awesomeness and downright necessity of LED lights in all drinking establishments, and then somehow magically waking up the next morning on her own couch, moderately confused and solo. Original gangster? Tough call.

Despite these odds, reviewer woke up semi bright-eyed and ready for the day.  Instructions said to take three capsules when drinking alcohol, along with plenty of water to wake up magically fresh and painless. Although just taking care to stay hydrated surely would have helped the situation, the veggie caps actually work. Their slogan says it simply, “your body will thank you.”

Think of them like a dose of super-vitamins, infused with stuff like milk thistle for liver health and amino acids to help process alcohol-induced toxins. Taking care to address all the effects of the universal alcohol hangover, the ‘Drinkwel’ guys and gals put together the right combination of stuff to ease your boozey symptoms.  No headache, fogginess, or upset stomach. Didn’t seem to do much for those achey muscles though, so if clubbing is involved make sure to pack a good old Advil just in case. And above all else, hydrating while you’re inebriating is the key to a better morning.

Author: Nicole Novak

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Caitlin Reid, Los Angeles – There are many strategies to surviving a Caveday: find and devour satisfying food, remain horizontal for the majority of the day, avoid bright light, to name a few. Among the most fulfilling things you can do to counteract a killer hangover is watch a movie. Wrapped up in your coziest digs, warm in bed, watching a movie can be one of the best hangover cures out there.

A great way to pass the time and escape the horrors of your current reality, we highly suggest this Caveday activity no matter the degree of your hangover. It is important, however, to choose wisely when it comes to film selection. What may be your favorite sober movie could set a disastrous downward spiral into motion, sending you deeper into the inevitable depression that comes along with being hungover.  Fear not! We’re here to help you in the selection process.

Movies to Avoid When Hungover

Before we get to the best in post-hammered cinema, let’s talk about what to avoid when choosing a Caveday flick. Do not, under any circumstances, watch a movie that contains any of the following plots:

• Party Movies – usually a hilarious way to live vicariously through someone else’s drunk adventure, watching movies that include party scenes are a surefire way to turn your stomach. One look at Jonah Hill’s laundry-blue tinted mouth full-o-beer in Superbad will almost definitely send you over the edge.
• Complicated Movies – twists and turns can be the most exciting and interesting parts of a movie when you’re feeling good. On a Caveday, avoid any movie that makes you think harder than “ginger ale or gatorade?”. You’ve already been nursing the aspirin bottle all morning. If you choose to challenge yourself to figure out what the hell is really in the box at the end of Seven, you’re running the risk of legitimate brain explosion. The simpler the better.
• War Movies – often times hard enough to watch on your best day, war movies are straight up brutal when you’re hungover. Not only are the characters out there serving their country, being all “America’s finest”, which can make you feel like more of a loser, but the gore factor is dangerous territory. The only blood you’re going to want to see on a Caveday is the delicious cooked kind dripping from your medium-rare cheeseburger.
• Movies with a Homeless Protagonist – Do not, we repeat, DO NOT, make the mistake of choosing one of these Debbie Downers when hungover. Chances are, you already feel shitty enough. You’re struggling. Press play on Basketball Diaries you’re pretty much asking for a meltdown.

We at Caveday have determined the worst possible movie to watch when down-for-the-count: The Wrestler. Talk about a “feel awful” movie experience. Mickey Rourke’s character is so broken, so busted, drunk, high, down and out, viewing this when hungover will surely make you feel 100 times worse than you already do. Not to be a spoiler (let’s be honest, you’ve had a few years to catch up at this point, folks), but things don’t even remotely work out well in the end. Truth be told, The Wrestler is a great movie… to kill yourself to.

Hangover Movie Criteria

Alright. Now that you’re schooled in what not to watch when hungover, let’s talk about what we’re here to highlight – the best movies to watch on a Caveday. Qualifications for foolproof, good-time hungover movie enjoyment include:

• Movies You’ve Seen Before – a Caveday is no time to try something new. You must rely on what you know to support you through this tumultuous time. Your go-to movies can build confidence, making you feel smart and comfortable in their familiarity. Sure, you’ve seen Karate Kid 6000 times. 6001 is most definitely the charm when you’re hungover.
• Comedies - the most lighthearted, hilarious flicks you can find will surely comfort you on a Caveday. Laughter is medicine. As you purge the poor choices of last night, go ahead and laugh away your sorrows with a good old fashioned funny movie.
• Animated Movies – How can you go wrong here? You can’t. Kids’ movies are made to make you feel good, and they’re never going to push you over the edge in terms of being too sad or scary. Often times fantastical, kids’ movies are a great way to escape into another world for a couple of hours. You’re also most likely not making a huge time commitment with these films, so take advantage of your attention span mirroring that of a 5 year old and indulge in something silly and sweet.

Caveday’s Recommended Hangover Movies

Based on this criteria, we present to you, faithful Caveday readers, “The Four Horsemen of Hangover Movies”.

1. The Hangover – what a gift to hungover-kind. Hilarious at every turn, The Hangover reassures you that no matter how terrible you’re feeling in this hungover moment, it’s not nearly as bad as these guys have it. You can relate to their perils, yet feel proud that even though you left your cell phone in the cab on the way home, you still have all your teeth and the closest tiger is still safe at the zoo. Despite being sort of a movie about drinking, there are essentially no drinking scenes in the entire movie, so your gag reflex can relax.
2. Ironman - this flick touches upon many of our good-choice criteria. Derived from a comic book, you can tap into your childhood while marveling (yup, we said it) at the coolest modern day special effects. The fast paced action will keep you occupied while the over the top nature of the plot, gadgets, and fight scenes won’t possibly make you feel like you’re inadequate; no one’s as smart as Tony Stark.
3. Monsters, Inc. – though probably not something you watched as a kid yourself, this movie is an amazing way to nestle into the comforts of childhood cinema. It’s stunning to watch, as is the trend with Pixar’s masterful films. It’s hilarious yet touching, super cute and completely imaginary, so you can truly escape real life for a bit. Relax and enjoy (and maybe check your closet real quick on your way back to the bed, just to be safe).
4. Big Trouble in Little China – martial arts movies have been proven to have a profound effect on the biochemistry of the human brain when undergoing alcohol processing.  The cheesy action combined with unprecedented dorkiness is both entertaining and confidence-building.  Caveday Labs conducted a double-blind case study testing this theory.  A control group was compared to subjects who had watched various martial arts movies during their hangover process.  The results were profound.  The most potent movie for hangover assistance turned out to be Big Trouble in Little China, the aka the “Godfather of Garbage”.

In conclusion, when you’re feeling like the sober world is crashing down around you, a movie can be a great way to check out and feel safe. By following our do’s and don’ts you’re sure to have a pleasurable viewing experience. Prep something tasty, prop up a few extra pillows and let yourself be immersed in a blissful, semi-comatose viewing state of being.

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